Sexual quotes can be funny, naughty, and downright outrageous. They can make you blush or make you laugh out loud. Whether it’s a cheesy pick up line or a naughty joke, sexual quotes can add spice to any conversation. They can be used to set the mood for an intimate encounter, lighten the mood in an awkward situation, or just make someone laugh. In this article, we’ll explore some of the funniest and most outrageous sexual quotes around!1. “My girlfriend said I should be more affectionate, so I got two girlfriends.”
2. “Sex is like playing bridge; if you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.”
3. “My wife and I were happy for twenty years… then we met.”
4. “I used to be a romantic, but now I’m just horny.”
5. “Don’t have sex with the windows open… love has no drafts!”
6. “What’s the definition of a lazy lover? Someone who is allergic to cushions!”
7. “Why did God give men penises? So they’d have at least one way to shut a woman up!”
8. “When it comes to sex, the last thing I want to do is hurt someone – unless it’s in the right way!”
9. “I’m not sure what goes on between two consenting adults in the bedroom, but I can safely say that it’s usually not algebra.”
10. “The only thing better than having you as my girlfriend is my wife having you as a roommate!”
The Most Hilarious Sex Quips
Sex jokes have been around for centuries, and they show no signs of stopping anytime soon. From witty one-liners to puns that make you groan, sex jokes are a great way to lighten the mood and add a bit of fun to any conversation. Here are some of the funniest sex quips of all time:
“My husband said he wanted to be treated like a king in bed. So I rolled him over and went back to sleep.”
“Why did God give men penises? So they’d have at least one way to shut a woman up.”
“What do you call two birds in love? Tweethearts!”
“Why don’t chickens have sex? Because they don’t have the two dollars it costs.”
“Why did the man cross the road? To get to the other ‘hole’!”
“Why did God create orgasms? Because he wanted us to be happy.”
“Why don’t women blink during foreplay? They don’t have enough time!”
These quips prove that sex can be funny, even though it’s often seen as a serious topic. Who knows – maybe these jokes will inspire more people to talk openly about sex!
Famous Sexual Quotes and Jokes
Sex has been a source of humor and inspiration for centuries, and it’s no surprise that some of the most memorable jokes, quotes, and one-liners have come from sex-related topics. From hilarious jabs about relationships to witty puns about one night stands, these famous sexual quotes and jokes are sure to bring a smile to your face.
The best sexual quotes often come from some of the funniest comedians in history. From George Carlin’s classic “Sex is like playing bridge: if you don’t have a good partner you’d better have a good hand” to Bill Cosby’s “Humanity is like an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty,” these quotes will get a chuckle out of even the most serious audience.
Despite their serious subject matter, some of the most iconic sexual quotes come from classic literature. Mark Twain’s “I have never let my schooling interfere with my education” and Oscar Wilde’s “Everything in the world is about sex except sex; sex is about power” both demonstrate that even the great thinkers of our time had their own funny way of looking at things.
Of course, it wouldn’t be complete without mentioning some of the most famous sexual jokes in history. From Woody Allen’s quip that “sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it’s one of the best” to Robin Williams’ joke that “God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time,” these timeless one-liners will always be sure to get a laugh.
Whether you’re looking for something humorous or inspirational, there are plenty of famous sexual quotes and jokes out there to choose from. Whether you’re sharing them with friends or just giving yourself something to chuckle about privately, these sayings can add some lightheartedness into any conversation.
Best Sexual One-Liners
There is nothing quite like a good sexual one-liner to lighten the mood and get the conversation going. Whether you are at a party, on a date or just hanging out with friends, these one-liners are sure to bring some laughter and spice up the night. Here are some of the best sexual one-liners that will have everyone in stitches.
“My doctor says I’m lacking Vitamin U.”
“I’m not your type. I’m not inflatable.”
“Do you have a map? ‘Cause I just keep getting lost in your eyes.”
“Let’s make like fabric softener and Snuggle.”
“You must be peanut butter because you’re making my legs feel like jelly!”
“Can I have your picture so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?”
“Are you religious? Because you’re the answer to all my prayers.”
“If kisses were snowflakes, I’d send you a blizzard.”
“You must be jelly ’cause jam don’t shake like that!”
Funny Sex Quotes to Make You Laugh
Sex can be a serious topic but it can also be quite funny! Here are some funny sex quotes to make you laugh. Whether you’re in a relationship or single, these humorous quotes about sex will have you laughing out loud. From famous figures like Mae West to modern TV sitcoms, these funny sex quotes will have you rolling on the floor with laughter.
“Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. ‘Yes’ is the answer.” – Mae West
“My boyfriend and I live together, which means we’re probably having way less sex than when we were dating long distance.” – Amy Schumer
“I’m not into casual sex, but I’m into serious napping.” – Unknown
“Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it’s one of the best.” – Woody Allen
“I think men talk about the thing they fear most—failing in bed.” – Sarah Silverman
“When I hear somebody sigh ‘Life is hard,’ I am always tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what?'” – Sydney Harris
“You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither.” – Steve Martin
“Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.” – George Burns
Hilarious Sex Sayings from Comedians
Sex and comedy have been intertwined since time immemorial. From the bawdy humour of Ancient Greece to modern day stand-up comedians, sex has always been a go-to source of entertainment. Here are some of the best sex sayings from some of the funniest comedians out there.
One-liners like “Why don’t they call it ‘women’ instead of ‘womyn’? Because that’s not what men want to hear during sex” from Sarah Silverman, or “My girlfriend said ‘you act like you never had sex before.’ I said ‘I haven’t – not with anyone else!'” from Mitch Hedberg, are sure to get a laugh.
Chris Rock has some great observations on sex as well: “Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.” And who could forget Louis C.K.’s classic joke: “My doctor told me I had to stop masturbating. I said ‘why?’ He said ‘because I’m trying to examine you’.”
Then there’s George Carlin who quips, “If it weren’t for pick-pockets, I’d have no sex life at all.” And Margaret Cho’s take on sexual innuendo: “I think the most offensive thing about sexual innuendo is that it implies that women don’t know what it’s about!”
Not all of these jokes are appropriate for every crowd or context, but they can provide an amusing reminder that sex and comedy can go hand in hand – even if our own attempts at witty banter fall short!
Sexy Quotations
Life is too short to settle for anything less than what makes you happy. Sexy quotes can be a great way to spice up your relationship, or just remind yourself of the power of love and romance. Here are some of the best sexy quotes to share with your sweetheart:
“You are the fire burning inside of me – light my soul on fire.”
“Your touch sets my body alive, and your kiss ignites a passion like no other.”
“I am consumed by the desire to be with you, and I yearn for your caress.”
Humorous Quotations
Humor is a great way to break the ice or lighten up a conversation. Whether you’re looking for something funny to say on a first date or want to make your partner laugh, here are some humorous quotes that will bring out the laughter in both of you:
“Love may be blind, but marriage is an eye-opener.”
“The best thing about being married is that I no longer have to spend Saturday nights alone!”
“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.”
Sexual Innuendos
Sexual innuendos are sly comments or jokes that have sexual undertones, but they don’t explicitly mention anything sexual. They can be used in a playful or flirtatious manner, and can be a great way to break the ice and add a bit of humor to an otherwise uncomfortable conversation. If someone makes an inappropriate remark or joke, the best way to respond is with a witty comeback that puts them in their place.
When responding to a sexual innuendo, it’s important to be careful not to come across as hostile or defensive. Instead, focus on being lighthearted and playful in your response. The key is to diffuse the situation without escalating it further. Here are some witty comebacks you can use when someone makes an inappropriate comment:
• “Is that the best you’ve got?”
• “I think I’ll pass on that one.”
• “If you’re trying to flatter me, it’s not working.”
• “Saying something like that isn’t going to get you anywhere with me.”
• “That’s really not appropriate for this setting.”
Witty Comebacks
Witty comebacks are quick-witted responses that are just as humorous as the original remark or joke made by someone else. They can be used in a playful manner to diffuse tension and add some levity to the conversation. When crafting your own witty remark, try not to make it too personal as this could lead to hurt feelings or worse, an argument. Here are some examples of witty comebacks you can use:
• “Oh yeah? Well I’m rubber and you’re glue…”
• “That’s pretty clever, now what else do you got?”
• “If I had a dollar for every time I heard something like that…”
• “Nice try! But I’m not falling for it!”
When using comebacks, remember that humor is subjective and what one person finds funny may not be funny to another person. Be mindful of how your words may affect other people and avoid making comments that could potentially offend someone else’s values or beliefs.
Conclusion
Sexual quotes can be funny, but it is important to remember to use them responsibly. It is important to be aware of the potential implications of using sexual quotes and to ensure that they are used in a way that is considerate and respectful of all involved. Humor can be a great way to make light of potentially uncomfortable topics, but it should never be used as a way to belittle or demean anyone else. If you use sexual quotes in a respectful and positive way, you can make sure everyone involved has an enjoyable experience.
Ultimately, sexual quotes can be a great source of humor for those who feel comfortable with them. When used responsibly and in the right context, they can add a lighthearted element to conversations about sex and relationships. Whether you’re using them for your own amusement or to spice up your relationship with your partner, it’s important to remember that the intention behind them should always be one of respect and consideration for all involved.