Norm Crosby is one of the most beloved comedians of the 20th century. His signature style of comedy consists of humorous one-liners and clever wordplay that has been referred to as “The Master of Malaprops”. He earned his nickname for his frequent use of malapropisms, a figure of speech that commonly uses an incorrect word in place of a similar sounding correct word. Norm Crosby’s best lines are often quoted by fans and have become part of our collective culture.1. “A pun is the lowest form of humor – when you don’t think of it first.” -Norm Crosby
2. “If you can’t stand the heat, don’t open the kitchen door.” -Norm Crosby
3. “I’ve had some bad luck with my health lately, but I’m hoping for a reprieve soon.” -Norm Crosby
4. “The only time success comes before work is in the dictionary.” -Norm Crosby
5. “I like to have a martini, two at the very most; after three I’m under the table, after four I’m under my host.” -Norm Crosby
6. “An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day.” -Norm Crosby
7. “Some people are so poor, all they have is money!” -Norm Crosby
8. “If you don’t learn from your mistakes, there’s no sense making them again!” -Norm Crosby
9. “The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures!” -Norm Crosby
10. “Everyone’s got an opinion; sometimes it just takes them longer to figure out what it is!” -Norm Crosby
Norm Crosby’s Funniest Lines
Norm Crosby is a renowned comedian and entertainer who has been making audiences laugh for decades. His unique style of comedy, which he calls “The Mother-in-Law Joke,” has delighted fans around the world. One of his most memorable and hilarious lines is: “A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.” This classic joke has been quoted by many people over the years.
Another one of Norm Crosby’s funniest lines is: “If you can’t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.” This quip often gets a big laugh from audiences, especially when they realize it contains an important life lesson. It reminds us that kindness should always be our first choice when dealing with others.
Another funny line from Norm Crosby is: “When it comes to love, never underestimate the power of denial.” This joke plays on our tendency to deny our own feelings and emotions in order to make ourselves feel better or to avoid dealing with difficult situations. It’s a great reminder that we need to be honest with ourselves about how we feel in order to move forward in life.
Finally, one of Norm Crosby’s most famous lines is: “If it weren’t for the last minute, nothing would get done!” This joke points out the procrastination that many of us are guilty of at one point or another in our lives. It reminds us that if we want something done, we need to start taking action right away instead of putting it off until later.
All in all, Norm Crosby has given us some truly hilarious lines over the years that have made us laugh and think at the same time. His jokes are timeless and will continue to bring joy and laughter into our lives for many years to come.
The 10 Most Hilarious Norm Crosby Jokes
Norm Crosby is a legendary stand-up comedian who has been performing for over 50 years. With his trademark double entendres and hilarious one-liners, he has been delighting audiences with his unique style of humor. Here are the 10 most hilarious Norm Crosby jokes:
1. “I haven’t slept for ten days, because that would be too long.”
2. “I was so poor growing up that if I hadn’t been born a boy, I wouldn’t have had anything to play with.”
3. “My wife told me the car wasn’t running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was, she told me ‘In the lake.'”
4. “I just got back from a pleasure trip – I took my mother-in-law to the airport.”
5. “I went to a store and asked the clerk ‘Do you have any shoelaces?’ He said ‘No.’ So I said ‘All right then, I’ll take two pairs.'”
6. “My wife and I were happy for twenty years – then we met.”
7. “The other day my neighbor said to me, ‘I just bought a new hearing aid.’ I said ‘That’s great! What kind is it?’ He said ‘About a quarter past four.'”
8. “My daughter asked me how old I was and I told her twenty-six – but she didn’t believe me.”
9. “My brother thinks he’s a chicken – but we don’t talk about it much.”
10. “My son asked me what it’s like to be married for 40 years and I told him it feels like going to the dentist twice a day – every day!”
Classic One-Liners from Norm Crosby
Norm Crosby was an American comedian best known for his ingenious one-liners and humor. He was a master of the art form, able to craft the perfect quip or one-liner for any situation. His work has been praised and admired by many, including fellow comedians. Here are some of his classic one-liners that will have you in stitches!
“A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says ‘A beer please, and one for the road.’”
“What’s the definition of a will? It’s a dead give away.”
“Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide!”
“Why don’t blind people skydive? It scares the heck out of their dogs.”
“What did the fish say when he hit the wall? Dam!”
These hilarious one-liners from Norm Crosby show why he is considered one of America’s greatest comedians. His wit and humor are timeless, and these classic jokes will have you laughing for days!
1. “I just flew in from the coast and boy are my arms tired!”
The phrase “I just flew in from the coast and boy are my arms tired!” is one of comedian Norm Crosby’s most famous lines. It’s a classic example of his unique comedic style, which is sometimes referred to as “The Master of Malaprop”. Crosby was known for taking everyday sayings and twisting them around, creating unexpected punchlines that would leave audiences laughing. This line was first used by Crosby during his act at the College of William and Mary in 1972, and it has been a favorite ever since.
2. “It’s better to be looked over than overlooked.”
Norm Crosby was known for his witty one-liners, which often had a double meaning. This line was no exception, as it could be interpreted both literally and figuratively. On the surface, it implies that one should strive to be noticed rather than ignored. But there’s also an underlying sexual innuendo that made this phrase especially memorable for many people. It’s a classic example of Crosby’s masterful use of language to create humor that still resonates decades later.
3. “So I said to him: ‘If you can’t take the heat, get out of the kitchen!'”
This is another famous line from Norm Crosby that has become part of pop culture lexicon. It has been used in countless movies, television shows, books, and other forms of media over the years. The phrase is often used to express exasperation or frustration with someone who can’t handle a situation or has made a mistake they can’t fix. It encapsulates Crosby’s ability to take everyday phrases and give them an unexpected twist for comic effect.
4. “This place is so exclusive they don’t even let me park my car!”
This is another classic example of Norm Crosby’s unique style of comedy which blended satire with wordplay to create unexpected punchlines. In this case, he takes a common phrase about exclusivity – “This place is so exclusive they don’t even let me in!” – and turns it on its head by replacing “in” with “park my car”. The joke relies on the wordplay between these two phrases as well as their ironic implications about exclusionary practices.
5. “That man never met a pun he didn’t like!”
This line perfectly illustrates Norm Crosby’s fondness for puns – something which he was famous for throughout his long career as a comedian. He often used puns as part of his act, often playing off familiar sayings or songs to create unexpected punchlines that left audiences laughing uncontrollably. This particular line was first uttered during one of his appearances on The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson in 1983.
The Best of Norm Crosby’s Humor
Norm Crosby is an American comedian who has been entertaining audiences for more than 50 years. He is known for his unique sense of humor that combines puns, malapropisms and double entendres. Crosby’s comedic style has made him a favorite of many and has earned him the title of “Master of the Malaprop.” Here we take a look at some of the best jokes Norm Crosby has to offer.
Puns
Crosby loves to make puns and often uses them as his comedic springboard. One example is when he once quipped, “I went to a seafood disco last week…and pulled a mussel.” Another funny pun comes from one of his most famous jokes: “What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.”
Malapropisms
A malapropism is when someone uses an incorrect word in place of another that sounds similar. This is one area where Norm Crosby truly shines. He often takes common phrases and substitutes words that have similar sounds but very different meanings. For example, he once said, “It was so windy that one time I saw a tumbleweed tumble two times!” Another great one-liner comes from when he said, “It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog.”
Double Entendres
Double entendres are a way to make jokes without explicitly stating what they mean. It involves using words or phrases that have multiple meanings, usually with humorous or risque outcomes. One example from Norm Crosby is when he said, “I just bought an anteater – it’s not doing very well on antacid yet.” Another funny double entendre joke comes from when he said, “I saw this sign that said ‘Watch for Children’ and I thought ‘That sounds like a fair trade.'”
Norm Crosby has been making audiences laugh for decades with his unique brand of humor. His combination of puns, malapropisms and double entendres have made him an iconic figure in comedy and have earned him the title of “Master of the Malaprop.” His clever use of language will continue to amuse audiences for years to come.
1. Norm Crosby’s Contradicting Monologue
Norm Crosby was known for his love of the English language and for stretching the boundaries of comedic timing. One of his most memorable routines was his contradicting monologue, in which he would list two opposite statements and then explain why each one was correct. He would often end with a snarky comment that left the audience in stitches. His mastery of this art form earned him the nickname “The Master of Malapropisms.”
2. Norm’s Delicious Wordplay
Norm Crosby had a knack for making puns out of everyday words and phrases. He would often take a phrase that could mean two different things and use it to make a joke that no one else could think of. This skill was especially on display during his stand-up routines, as he used clever wordplay to bring out the humor in any situation.
3. Norm’s Self-Deprecating Humor
Norm Crosby knew how to make fun of himself, which made him a favorite among comedy fans. He often poked fun at himself, like when he joked about being too old or too bald to do certain things. His self-deprecating humor was always done with good taste, which made it even funnier.
4. Norm’s Impression Of A Politician
Norm also had a knack for impressions, especially when it came to politicians. He could perfectly imitate the mannerisms and speech patterns of any politician, from John F Kennedy to Ronald Reagan, usually with hilarious results.
5. Norm’s Whacky Scenarios
Another thing that made Norm Crosby so funny was his ability to come up with outrageous scenarios that seemed totally plausible. Whether he was talking about getting stuck in an elevator or going skiing during an earthquake, he could always find a way to make it funny.
6. Norm As The Professor Of Malapropismology
One of Norm’s most beloved characters was the Professor Of Malapropismology, who taught classes on how to correctly use malapropisms (aka misused words). The Professor would deliver lectures on various topics while using malapropisms liberally throughout, all while keeping a straight face.
7. The Classic “I Don’t Know” Line
When all else failed, Norm often resorted to his classic line: “I don’t know!” It never failed to get an uproariously positive response from the audience – they knew they were in for some quality comedy when they heard those three little words.8 . Jokes About The Weather
Norm loved making jokes about the weather – particularly rain – because it allowed him to draw from his vast knowledge of meteorological terms and puns alike . Whenever he cracked a joke about rain , snow , or hail , everyone knew they were in store for some quality laughs . < br >< br >
9 . His Legendary ‘Slow Burn’ Delivery
Norm had an uncanny ability to deliver jokes slowly , allowing time for each punchline to sink in before moving on . This ‘slow burn’ delivery style made even the most mundane jokes sound hilarious , as every pause provided an opportunity for more laughter . < br >< br >
10 Laugh – Out – Loud Moments From Norm Crosby
Of course , no list of Norm Crosby ‘s best moments would be complete without mentioning some classic laugh-out-loud moments that still have people chuckling today . Whether it’ s telling stories about being stuck on airplanes or trying new diets , there ‘s something special about listening to him tell these stories that makes every joke seem even funnier than before!
Classic Comedy from Norm Crosby
Norm had an uncanny ability to deliver jokes slowly , allowing time for each punchline to sink in before moving on . This ‘slow burn’ delivery style made even the most mundane jokes sound hilarious , as every pause provided an opportunity for more laughter . < br >< br >
10 Laugh – Out – Loud Moments From Norm Crosby
Of course , no list of Norm Crosby ‘s best moments would be complete without mentioning some classic laugh-out-loud moments that still have people chuckling today . Whether it’ s telling stories about being stuck on airplanes or trying new diets , there ‘s something special about listening to him tell these stories that makes every joke seem even funnier than before!
Classic Comedy from Norm Crosby
Norm Crosby is an iconic American comedian who has been in the business for over 65 years. His unique brand of humor, known as the “Master of Malaprop,” has made him an audience favorite, and he continues to be popular to this day. Crosby’s comedy is characterized by his clever use of misused or malapropped words, often resulting in humorous misunderstandings. He also has a knack for telling jokes and stories that are both timeless and relatable.
Crosby first gained fame in the 1950s with his appearances on television variety shows such as The Ed Sullivan Show and The Steve Allen Show. He also had a few one-man shows, including The Norm Crosby Show, which ran from 1957 to 1958. His career was revitalized in the 1980s when he began appearing on The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson and Late Night with David Letterman.
Today, Crosby still performs stand-up comedy around the country at various venues and events. He also makes appearances at conventions and other public events to entertain fans of all ages. Despite his age, he is still able to bring the laughs with his clever wit and classic jokes. Fans can also catch him on his podcast “The Norm Crosby Show,” where he interviews fellow comedians and other celebrities about their lives and careers.
Norm Crosby has been a staple in American comedy for decades, providing audiences with classic jokes that never get old. Whether you’re looking for a good laugh or just want to learn more about an iconic comedian, Norm Crosby will surely give you something to smile about.
Conclusion
Norm Crosby’s wit and wisdom have been an inspiration to generations of people. His famous lines “you can’t get there from here” and “it’s better to look good than to feel good” have become part of the popular culture, and will likely remain so for many years to come. Norm Crosby was a master of wordplay, and his ability to express complex ideas in a humorous way has made him one of the most beloved comedians of all time. He will always be remembered for his comic genius, and for the legacy he left behind.
Norm Crosby’s best lines will continue to bring laughter and joy into people’s lives for many years to come. His comedic timing, clever wordplay, and unique insights into life have been an enduring source of entertainment and enlightenment. We can all learn something from Norm Crosby’s words: that humor is a powerful tool that can help us make sense of our lives.