As the saying goes, “Sex is like playing bridge – if you don’t have a good partner, you better have a good hand.” And while sex is an incredibly serious and intimate subject, that doesn’t mean we can’t laugh about it. So whether you’re in the mood for a chuckle or just need something to break the ice in the bedroom, here are some funny sexual quotes that will get you both laughing.”Sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.” – Mae West
Funny Quotes About Sex
Humor can often make the topic of sex easier to talk about. Below are some funny quotes about sex that may make you chuckle.
“Sex is like math: you add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray you don’t multiply.”
“I’m not a hoarder but I really want to keep you forever.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t answer your text earlier, I was busy having sex…with myself.”
“My doctor told me I have multiple personalities. Turns out, we all had the same idea for date night!”
“If it weren’t for pick-up lines, there wouldn’t be any relationship started.”
“If it wasn’t for men, women would have to talk to each other at parties.”
“I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.”
Best Sexual Jokes
Sex jokes are some of the most popular jokes around. They are often used to lighten the mood and get a few laughs out of people. Whether it’s a dirty joke or an innocent one, they can be used to make any occasion a bit more enjoyable. Here are some of the best sexual jokes around that will have you laughing in no time.
The first one is about a man who goes into a doctor’s office for a checkup and is asked to drop his pants and bend over. The doctor notices something strange and says, “That looks like an apple up your butt!” The man replies, “Yeah, I know. It’s been there since I was a kid.”
Another classic is about two men talking in the locker room after their workouts. One says to the other, “I just had sex with this amazing woman last night!” The other man asks, “Was it good?” The first man replies, “I don’t know – she didn’t even scream!”
A third joke involves a husband who comes home from work early one day and finds his wife in bed with another man. He yells at them and says, “What’s going on here?” The wife calmly replies, “This isn’t what it looks like honey – I was just teaching him how to swim!”
Finally, there is the classic joke about two women talking in a bar when one says to the other, “Do you want to hear a dirty joke?” The other woman replies, “Sure!” So the first woman proceeds to tell her friend a very raunchy joke full of sexual innuendos. When she finishes she asks her friend if she got it. Her friend looks confused and responds with “No…I don’t get it…why did the chicken cross the road?”
These are some of the best sexual jokes around that will keep you laughing for days on end. So next time someone needs a good laugh, don’t be afraid to tell them one of these hilarious jokes!
Naughty Sexual Innuendos
Naughty sexual innuendos are a great way to add a bit of spice to your conversations. Whether you’re trying to get someone’s attention or just make them laugh, an appropriate innuendo can be just the thing to break the ice and get the conversation started. The key is to use innuendos in a tasteful and appropriate manner so that they are not too raunchy or offensive.
Innuendos can be as subtle as a wink and a smile, or more direct like teasingly asking someone if they want to “play”. They can also be used in double entendres, where you say one thing but mean another. Whatever you choose, it should be lighthearted and humorous, not crude or distasteful.
When using sexual innuendos, it is important to remember that context matters. It may be perfectly acceptable at a party with friends, but inappropriate in the workplace or other formal settings. Additionally, it is important to consider your audience; what might be funny with one person could be offensive with someone else. Be sure to read cues from those around you and adjust accordingly.
Overall, naughty sexual innuendos can be a fun way to flirt with someone and lighten the mood when used correctly. However, it is important to always keep things tasteful and appropriate in order for everyone involved to have an enjoyable time.
Sexy One-Liners
It doesn’t take much to be sexy. All you need is a few one-liners that will make your partner weak in the knees. Here are some seductive one-liners that are sure to make your partner swoon:
“I can’t help but think of you all day long.”
“I want to be the only one who can make you smile.”
“My heart skips a beat when I see you.”
“You look so beautiful right now, I can hardly stand it.”
“Your touch is like electricity running through my veins.”
These short and sweet one-liners can do wonders for your relationship and help your partner feel special. Plus, they are easy to remember and perfect for those moments when you just want to express how much you care without having to say too much.
Humorous Sayings About Sex and Relationships
Sex and relationships can be a minefield of misunderstandings and miscommunications. A little laughter can go a long way toward lightening the mood, so here are some funny sayings about sex and relationships to get you started.
Love is blind…but marriage is an eye-opener.
This old saying might be a bit dated, but it still holds true today. When two people first fall in love, they often don’t see each other’s flaws or bad habits. But once they enter into a long-term relationship, those quirks become more obvious.
A good relationship is like a game of chess: one false move and you’re mated.
Relationships require skillful navigation to ensure both parties remain happy and fulfilled. It’s easy to make mistakes or take the wrong approach, which can lead to serious consequences. This saying reminds us to tread carefully when it comes to our relationships.
Don’t have sex with the windows open – love is not about advertising.
Having sex with an open window is risky business – you never know who might be watching! This saying cautions against putting one’s personal business on display for all the world to see. After all, love should be something that’s shared between two people in private.
Sex isn’t the answer…but it sure does help you forget the question.
Sometimes life can seem overwhelming – too many questions, too few answers. Taking a break from thinking about life’s big issues can help put things into perspective – and that’s where sex comes in! A romp between the sheets can provide some much needed distraction from life’s worries.
Witty Quotes on Intimacy
Intimacy is a special bond between two people that can’t be replicated or replaced. It is an emotional connection that allows you to feel secure and loved. Here are some witty quotes to celebrate the joys of intimacy:
“True intimacy is not just about sex, it’s about being seen for who you truly are.” – Anonymous
“Intimacy without commitment is like eating a pizza without cheese; it’s still good but something’s missing.” – Anonymous
“The more intimate the relationship, the more important it is to respect each other’s boundaries.” – Anonymous
“When we become intimate with someone, we must accept them as they are, not as we would like them to be.” – Anonymous
“Intimacy involves knowing what the other person needs before they do and being willing to give it.” – Anonymous
“Intimacy isn’t just about physical closeness, but also trust and understanding between two people.” – Anonymous
“The deepest levels of intimacy involve learning to love one another’s shadows as well as their light.” – Anonymous
Funniest Pick Up Lines for Adults
Sometimes, a little bit of humor can be just the thing to break the ice and start a conversation. Whether you’re trying to impress that special someone or just looking for a good laugh, these funniest pick up lines for adults are sure to get you noticed. From clever one liners to smooth come-ons, there’s something here for everyone. So take a look and find the perfect line for your situation!
For those who want to keep it light-hearted, try a classic like “Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?” or “Do you come here often?” If you’re feeling bolder, go with something like “Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?” If your target has an eye for puns, try something like “You must be tired because you’ve been running through my mind all day.” And if all else fails, there is always “Hey, I lost my number – can I have yours?”
No matter what type of person you are looking to impress, there is sure to be something in this list of funniest pick up lines for adults that will get the job done. Whether sweet and flirty or tongue-in-cheek and clever, these lines are sure to make your target smile – so don’t be afraid to give them a try!
Conclusion
Funny sexual quotes provide a light and humorous way to break the ice, show appreciation for one another, and bring some fun into the bedroom. Whether you’re looking to make your partner laugh or spice up your own sex life, having a few funny sexual quotes in your back pocket can definitely help. Just remember to keep things respectful, and have fun with it!
At the end of the day, there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to sex. Everyone has different preferences and boundaries when it comes to what feels good for them. So don’t be afraid to experiment with funny sexual quotes as a way of expressing yourself and enjoying intimacy with your partner.