Welcome to the world of funny and perverted quotes! If you’re looking for a good laugh or something to spice up your day, look no further. Here you’ll find a collection of some of the funniest and most outrageous quotes from around the world. So sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride!1. “If sex is a pain in the ass, then you’re doing it wrong.”
2. “I’m not a perv, I’m just an admirer from afar.”
3. “Sex is like pizza: Even when it’s bad, it’s still pretty good.”
4. “The best way to a man’s heart isn’t through his stomach; it’s through the zipper of his pants!”
5. “It’s not who you are underneath, it’s what you do that defines you.”
6. “Once upon a time I was falling in love but now I’m only falling apart.”
7. “I may not be the best-looking guy in here, but I’m the only one talking to you.”
8. “Love me without fear, trust me without questioning, need me without demanding, want me without restrictions and accept me for who I am.”
9. “It’s not how big your bed is — it’s how creative you can be in it!”
10. “One night stands may be fun but if they become too frequent they become dangerous…for your wallet!”
Most Outrageous Perverted Quotes
The world is full of outrageous and perverted quotes, ranging from the humorous to the downright offensive. Whether they are meant to be taken seriously or just used as a joke, these quotes can shock and surprise us with their audacity. Here are 10 of the most outrageous perverted quotes ever uttered:
“A man’s greatest pleasure is to have three women at once.” – Unknown
“A woman without curves is like a road without bends” – Unknown
“A man’s heart should be as deep as an ocean and as wild as a wild horse.” – Unknown
“Sex is like eating candy; you always want more.” – Unknown
“It’s not how big it is, it’s how you use it that counts.” – Unknown
“If you can’t get laid, make love.” – Unknown
“Sex is like pizza; when it’s good it’s really good and when it’s bad it’s still pretty good.” – Unknown
“A man should never underestimate the power of a woman in bed.” – Unknown
“Don’t worry if your partner isn’t satisfied; just keep trying until they are.” – Unknown
“The best way to enjoy sex is to do it with someone you love.” – Anonymous
Perverted Quotes That Will Make You Laugh
Humor is an important part of life, and few things are as hilarious as perverted quotes. Whether you’re looking for a laugh or just need some inspiration, these 10 perverted quotes are sure to make you chuckle.
“A man’s only as old as the woman he feels.” – Groucho Marx
This classic quote from the great Groucho Marx is sure to get a laugh from any audience. It’s a reminder that age is just a number and that feeling young at heart is what really matters.
“I’m not a complete idiot; some parts are missing.” – Anonymous
This anonymous quote is simple but effective. It pokes fun at the idea that we all have our flaws, but it also serves as a reminder that we shouldn’t take ourselves too seriously.
“I’m not horny, I’m just sexually aware.” – Unknown
This cheeky quote will have you laughing out loud in no time. It reminds us to stay aware of our sexuality without letting it take over our lives.
“My only regret in life is that I didn’t drink enough beer.” – Frank Zappa
Another classic one-liner from the legendary Frank Zappa, this quote is sure to make you chuckle and might even inspire you to grab a cold one!
“I don’t mean to be rude, but I’m kind of a big deal.” – Unknown
A little self-confidence never hurt anyone! This perverted quote is funny but also serves as an important reminder that it’s okay to feel good about yourself sometimes.
“Sex appeal isn’t about being attractive; it’s about being confident in your own skin.” – Unknown
Confidence is key when it comes to sex appeal, and this quote perfectly encapsulates this idea. It’s funny but also serves as an important reminder that feeling comfortable in your own body goes a long way towards attracting potential partners.
“You can tell if someone likes you by the way they look at you; if they look away quickly, they probably don’t like you.” – Unknown
This funny yet insightful quote will make you giggle while teaching an important lesson about body language and attraction.
“The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you can’t do.” – Walter Bagehot
This inspiring quote from Walter Bagehot reminds us to follow our dreams and not let anyone stand in our way. It’s an uplifting message with a humorous twist.
“There are no rules when it comes to love; just go with your heart.” – Unknown
This sweet yet perverted quote will make your heart melt while making you crack up at the same time! It’s an important reminder that love doesn’t always follow societal norms or expectations, so follow your heart instead of trying to fit into someone else’s mold.
“It doesn’t matter if he loves me or not; what matters is who loves me more!” – Unknown
<
Uncensored Perverted Quotes
Perversion is a topic that often elicits strong reactions, and it can come in many forms. From subtle innuendo to explicit expressions of sexuality, the quotes below represent some of the most uncensored perverted sayings ever uttered. Whether you find them titillating or repulsive, you can’t deny their power to shock and provoke thought.
“It’s not who I am underneath but what I do that defines me.” – Batman
“I never loved another person the way I loved myself.” – Mae West
“Sex is like a drug: you want more and more.” – Marilyn Monroe
“The secret to life is meaningless unless you discover it yourself.” –Walt Disney
“A little bit of pleasure is worth a whole lot of pain.” – John Lennon
“If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to do it?” – Bette Midler
“If it feels good, do it.” -Anonymous
“No man should marry until he has studied anatomy and dissected at least one woman.” – Honore de Balzac
“Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go its pretty damn good.” – Woody Allen
“There are two great pleasures in life: one is to conquer your enemy, the other is to seduce her or him.” – Napoleon Bonaparte
10 Funny and Naughty Perverted Quotes
Perverted quotes can be both funny and naughty. They can leave you laughing out loud, or blushing from embarrassment. Here are 10 of the funniest and naughtiest perverted quotes around:
1. “An erection is like the Theory of Relativity; the more you think about it, the harder it gets.” – Unknown
2. “A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s: She changes it more often.” – Oliver Herford
3. “I think my neighbor is stalking me as she’s been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.” – Unknown
4. “What did one tampon say to the other? Nothing, they were both stuck up!” – Unknown
5. “Sex is like math: You add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and pray you don’t multiply!” – Unknown
6. “I love what you wear to bed…Nothing!” – Unknown
7. “Why did God give men penises? So they’d have at least one way to shut a woman up.” – Unknown
8. “What’s six inches long, has a head on it, and drives women wild? A hundred-dollar bill!” – Unknown
9. “My girlfriend told me that she was seeing someone else. I told her to rub her eyes.” – Unknown
10.”If sex is a pain in the ass, then you’re doing it wrong” – Unknown
Dirty, Raunchy and Perverted Jokes
It’s no secret that some of us love to laugh at dirty, raunchy and perverted jokes. Sure, there are times when a clean joke or two is just the right thing to lighten the mood at a gathering. But when it comes to getting some big laughs, nothing beats a good old-fashioned off-color joke.
A lot of people will tell you that these jokes are in poor taste and shouldn’t be shared with friends or family. We say that as long as everyone involved is of age and all parties consent, it’s perfectly alright to enjoy a few naughty jokes.
That being said, here are 10 of our favorite dirty, raunchy and perverted jokes that will surely get the party started:
1. What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree? Hold on to your nuts, this is going to be one hell of a blow job!
2. What did the penis say to the vagina? How about we make some whoopee!
3. What do you call an Italian hooker? A pastaholic!
4. What did one testicle say to the other? It looks like we’re headed for a low sperm count!
5. Why don’t cannibals eat clowns? Because they taste funny!
6. What do you call two guys with their hands down each other’s pants? Best friends!
7. Why was the piano player arrested? Because he was caught fingering minors!
8. Why don’t blind people skydive? Because it scares the hell out of their dogs!
9. What did one vibrator say to the other? I think we should get separate beds tonight! Whether you’re looking for a light-hearted joke to share with your friends or just want to make yourself laugh, we’ve got you covered. Here are 10 perverted one-liners that will crack you up! “My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy… so I got drunk.” “Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide.” “What did the elephant say to the naked man? ‘How do you breathe through something so small?'” “Why did God give men penises? So they’d have at least one way to shut a woman up.” “Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!” “What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit? At least a zit waits until you’re a teenager before it cums on your face!” “What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.” “Why did God give men nipples? So they’d have something to play with when they’re on the phone.” If you’re looking for some funny and risqué quotes to spice up the conversation, then look no further. Perverted quotes can add an extra layer of fun to any conversation. Whether you’re telling a joke or just trying to break the ice, these 10 silly and risqué perverted quotes will definitely get a laugh out of your friends. “I’m not a photographer, but I can picture me and you together.” “My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can’t hold it in.” “Do you believe in love at first swipe? Because I do.” “Hey girl, are you a campfire? Cause you are hot and I want s’more.” “Do you have a map? ‘Cause I keep getting lost in your eyes.” “Are you from Tennessee? ‘Cause you’re the only 10 I see!” “If kisses were snowflakes, I’d send you a blizzard!” “Is your name Google? Because you have everything that I’m searching for.” “Are your pants from outer space? ‘Cause your butt is out of this world!” “Is your name Wi-Fi? ‘Cause I’m really feeling a connection!” Funny perverted quotes can be amusing and entertaining, but can also be offensive and inappropriate. It is important to remember that these types of jokes are not for everyone, and should only be shared with those who would appreciate them. Depending on the context, perverted quotes may even be considered illegal. Therefore, it is important to exercise good judgement when sharing these types of jokes. Funny perverted quotes are an excellent way to lighten up a conversation and add some humour to any situation. Whether you choose to share them with your friends or keep them for yourself is entirely up to you. Whatever you decide, just remember that laughter is the best medicine!
“Why don’t blind people skydive? It scares their dogs.”Silly and Risqué Perverted Quotes
Conclusion