Ex husband quotes funny can provide a lighthearted look at the end of a marriage. Whether it’s through jokes or lighthearted jabs, sometimes the best way to move on is to laugh at yourself and your situation. Here you will find some humorous ex husband quotes that can help bring a smile to your face and help you move on with life.1. “My ex-husband was so cheap, he wouldn’t buy a book if it was a penny cheaper at the next store.”
2. “My ex-husband’s idea of a romantic night out was to turn off all the lights and watch TV by candlelight.”
3. “My ex-husband’s idea of a great vacation was to go camping in his own backyard.”
4. “My ex-husband thought he was always right – even when he was wrong!”
5. “My ex-husband had the worst taste in movies – we would never agree on what to watch!”
6. “My ex-husband thought that ‘clean’ meant taking everything off the floor and putting it on a chair.”
7. “My ex-husband thought he could fix anything – except our marriage!”
8. “My ex-husband would never admit when he was wrong – it drove me crazy!”
9. “My ex-husband always talked about saving money but never actually did anything about it!”
10. “My ex-husband thought buying something online was an adventure – I just wanted to get it over with as quickly as possible!”
10 Funny Quotes about Ex-Husbands
Getting over a divorce can be difficult, but sometimes having a little bit of humour helps us cope. Here are 10 funny quotes about ex-husbands to help you move on:
“My ex-husband’s favorite song was ‘I Can’t Get No Satisfaction.’ I can now look back and say, ‘Ain’t that the truth.'”
“My ex-husband used to be so controlling! He’d even tell me what color lipstick I could wear. Now, I’m free to wear whatever color I want – as long as it’s black!”
“The best way to get over an ex is to turn them into a joke. That way, you’re laughing instead of crying.”
“My ex always said he was my better half – turns out he was right – without him I’m twice as good!”
“My ex-husband said he wanted to make me happy. But all he ever did was make me mad!”
“The best thing about my divorce is that I get to keep all my stuff – and his stuff too!”
“Why did I ever marry him? Oh yeah, because I thought he’d change.”
“My ex-husband always said, ‘You’re never too old to learn.’ He was right – now I know how much happier life can be without him.”
“Getting divorced felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders – his name was Fred.”
“After my divorce, I always said ‘one man’s trash is another man’s treasure.’ Turns out, in this case it was true!”
Witty Quotes about Ex-Husbands
Divorce is never easy, but sometimes funny and witty quotes about ex-husbands can help lighten the mood. Here are some of the best quotes out there to make you laugh—or at least smile—through your tears.
“My ex-husband’s life didn’t turn out so well after our divorce. But I’m not going to take any of the credit for that.”
“My ex-husband was so cheap, he’d get his laundry done at the car wash.”
“My ex-husband used to try to win arguments with me by raising his voice. It never worked, and it just made him look silly.”
“I haven’t spoken to my ex-husband in years, but I still hear about him from mutual acquaintances. Apparently, he’s still as charming as ever!”
“My ex-husband was never a very good listener. That’s why our marriage didn’t work out in the end.”
“My ex-husband was always trying to change me. I guess he just couldn’t accept me for who I am.”
“My ex-husband thought he was smarter than everyone else. He wasn’t wrong—he was just annoying!”
“The best thing about my divorce? Not having to hear my ex-husband complain all the time!”
“My ex-husband used to tell me I wasn’t capable of doing anything right. Now that we’re divorced, I’m proving him wrong every day.”
“I used to worry that my divorce would ruin my life. Now, I’m happy to report that it’s made my life much better!”
Sarcastic Sayings about Ex-Husbands
It’s often said that it’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all, but that doesn’t make it any easier when an ex-husband is involved. Even though the relationship has ended, ex-husbands can still come with a lot of baggage and memories. Here are some sarcastic sayings about ex-husbands that will help you get through the tough times:
“My ex-husband was so great at ‘breaking up,’ he could do it in one sentence!”
“My ex-husband was always better at giving advice than taking it.”
“My ex-husband thought he was too good for me, which is why I’m now too good for him.”
“The reason I divorced my husband? Because I wanted to be the one who got away!”
“I’d rather be single than deal with my ex-husband’s drama.”
“I’m not sure why I ever married my ex-husband. Oh wait, yes I do – because he asked me to!”
“My ex-husband was always trying to fix things that weren’t broken – like our marriage.”
“The only thing worse than having an ex-husband is having two ex-husbands!”
“My ex-husband was so jealous, he would even get jealous of himself!”
“My ex-husband thought he could control me, but all he did was drive me away.”
10 Jokes about Ex-Husbands
Q: What did the ex-wife say when her ex-husband asked to borrow a cup of sugar?
A: “Sure, that’ll be the last thing you take from me!”
Q: What do you call an ex-husband who is now a ghost?
A: A haunt-band!
Q: How do you know when an ex-husband is serious about changing?
A: He buys a new calendar.
Q: What did the ex-wife say when her ex-husband asked if he could borrow some money?
A: “How much do you need?” “It doesn’t matter, I just wanted to see your reaction.”
Q: Why did the ex-wife refuse to give her husband his belongings back?
A: She said it was too hard to divide memories.
Q: What did the ex-wife say when her ex-husband asked for his wedding ring back?
A: “It’s not a ring, it’s a reminder that I made the wrong decision.”
Q: What did the ex-wife say when her husband asked for his stuff back after their divorce?
A: “It’ll cost you!”
Q: How does an ex-husband keep track of all his former wives?
A: He uses a scorecard!
Q: What did the angry divorcee say to her former husband after he refused to give her alimony?
A:”I guess you’d better start saving up, because I’m gonna need it later!”
Q: How do you know when your ex doesn’t want to talk to you anymore?
A:”He answers all your questions with ‘What difference does it make?'”
Amusing Quotes About Ex Husbands
We all have an ex-partner, or two, in our past and it can be difficult to move on. However, some of us find a way to make light of the situation with some amusing quotes about ex-husbands. Here are 10 funny quotes about ex-husbands that may just make you chuckle:
“My ex-husband’s motto was ‘Out of sight, out of mind.’ I don’t think he ever realized how right he was.”
“I told my ex-husband he should get out more… so he did!”
“The only thing worse than having an ex-husband is having an ex-husband who still lives in the same house.”
“My ex-husband and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.”
“My ex-husband’s idea of a romantic evening was to go out for dinner and then watch a movie at home with me… alone.”
“My ex-husband always said that marriage was like a deck of cards; you need a heart to make it work.”
“I think my ex-husband must have been part cat; he had nine lives but used them all up on me.”
“My best advice for keeping your sanity when dealing with an ex-husband is to remember that what goes around comes around.”
“I never thought I’d say this but I miss my ex-husband… a little bit.”
“The only time I talk to my ex-husband is when the check comes in the mail.”
1. He’s not my type… even on a bad day.
Ex husbands can be a source of great comic relief for many women. After all, who hasn’t been in a situation where their ex-partner wasn’t quite what they were looking for? This humorous saying perfectly sums up the sentiment that it’s best to avoid an ex-husband at all costs. After all, no one wants to have to deal with a bad day, let alone an entire lifetime of them!
2. He was the best thing I ever had – until I got rid of him.
This humorous saying is perfect for those situations when your ex-husband was more trouble than he was worth. It’s a great way to sum up your feelings about the whole relationship in one succinct phrase and can also be used as a reminder to yourself that you made the right decision in leaving him behind. After all, sometimes it takes time and distance to see the bigger picture and realize that you may have been better off without him.
3. I used to worry about what he thought of me – now I don’t care anymore.
When it comes to dealing with an ex-husband, sometimes it can be difficult to let go of the hold they still may have over you. This funny saying is perfect for those moments when you realize that his opinion of you no longer matters and that you are finally free from his influence. It’s a great way to remind yourself that you are independent and capable of making your own decisions without worrying about his approval.
4. I can do better… much better.
This humorous saying is perfect for those times when you want to remind yourself just how far you’ve come since leaving your ex-husband behind. It’s a great way to boost your self-esteem and serves as a reminder that there are plenty of other people out there who would make much better partners than your former spouse ever did. So why waste any more time thinking about him?
5. He was like a bad penny – always turning up again.
When it comes to dealing with an ex-husband, sometimes they just won’t stay away! This funny saying perfectly sums up the sentiment that no matter how hard you try, they always seem to find their way back into your life in some unexpected way or another. A great reminder not to take them too seriously or give them too much power over your life!
Wry Comments About Ex Husbands
Sometimes the best way to cope with a difficult situation is to make a wry comment about it, and that’s certainly true when it comes to ex-husbands. Whether you’re newly divorced or have been single for many years, these funny comments about former spouses can be a great way to release some of the tension that comes with divorce. Here are 10 wry comments about ex-husbands sure to bring some laughter into your life:
1. “My ex-husband was so cheap, he’d cross the street just to step on an ant.”
2. “My ex-husband was so lazy he’d ask me for directions to the fridge.”
3. “My ex-husband was so forgetful, he’d forget his own birthday.”
4. “My ex-husband was so stubborn, he’d argue with a signpost.”
5. “My ex-husband had such an inflated ego, he thought ‘no’ meant ‘yes’.”
6. “My ex-husband always thought he was right even when he was wrong.”
7. “My ex-husband was so clueless, he used to get lost in his own house.”
8. “My ex-husband was so cheap, we used to play Monopoly with real money!”
9. “My ex-husband had such a short attention span, I could never finish a sentence around him.”
10. “My ex-husband always liked being in control…until it came time for him to pay the bills!”
Conclusion
Ex Husband quotes can be a great way to express yourself and get your feelings out. Whether you’re looking for a bit of humor or a way to cope with the end of your marriage, these quotes can be a great help. Even if you don’t take them too seriously, they can still provide an amusing diversion when things are tough. As long as you remember that they’re meant to be funny, you should find plenty of laughs in these quotes and anecdotes.
No matter what type of ex husband quote you choose, it’s important to remember that humor is often the best medicine. So enjoy these funny quotes and use them as an opportunity to laugh at the situation and move on with your life. After all, laughter is often the best revenge against an ex-lover.